Christmas Wish

I went to a woman's night thing at church last night with my mom and heard a lady share her reflections as she read the Christmas story from the Bible. First of all, it was awesome and encouraging and challenging and I loved it. Second, she said something that shook my heart. In her closing prayer, she said "Lord, you know the desire of my heart is to know you and live by great faith. That is my Christmas wish this year." That statement may seem simple and common to some people, but let me explain my thought process as I heard those words. The first thing that popped into my head was, "That can't be true. No one's hearts desire can be that pure...doesn't she understand that we are sinful people and capable of nothing good!?" Even writing this I see my great unbelief of the Gospel. I've been reading through a few chapters in Isaiah this week (40-42) and the Lord speaks beautifully to my heart about this in these passages:

"Lift up your eyes on high and see:

who created these?

He who brings out their host by 

number,

calling them all by name,

by the greatness of His might,

and because He is strong in power

not one is missing." - Is. 40:26

THIS God, the God who created the entire universe with His mere breath and the God who SUSTAINS everything in each moment with the greatest might and strongest power, this is God who created, sustains, and saved ME. THIS God lives in me. I cannot separate the truths that He is THIS mighty, although even this portrayal surely does not do Him adequate justice, and that He died, arose, and lives in me; that He is also MY power and MY strength. My initial thought about Mrs. Carol's prayer was one of defeat, and that certainly doesn't belong anywhere near THIS God of Isaiah 40.

"You are my servant,

I have chosen you and not cast you off;

fear not, for I am with you;

be not dismayed for I am your God;

I will strengthen you, I will help you,

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - Is. 41:9-10

"I will make the wilderness a pool of water,

and the dry land springs of water...

that they may see and know,

may consider and understand together,

that the hand of the LORD has done this,

the Holy One of Israel has created it." - Is. 41:18-20

Again, THIS God says that He has chosen me, is with me, is my strength and my help. Oh how my thought is such a lie to discredit His power and committment! There is some truth of it though, for He also says that there once was a wilderness and dry land, which WAS my heart before His saving power entered. But the beauty and grace of Jesus is that He DID NOT leave it that way! He changes, purifies, justifies. And newsflash to me, its a REAL change!!! Not a theory or nice thought, its REAL and tangible life change!! My thought, was one that preached a powerless and weak Savior and a powerful flesh. But you see, the truth is, my flesh is dead. "How can we who died to sin still live in it?' - Romans 6:2. And why this truth? He tells us: "that they may see and know, consider and understand together, that the hand of the LORD has done this." FOR HIS GLORY. That people may look and know and consider and understand that there is something great and mighty and holy about the change in Becky Broersma's life. And that they would see Christ as glorious and beautiful and powerful and something they desperately need. How beautiful can a Savior be in those He saves walk in defeat? I can almost see how that is Satan's trick...his lie for believers...how unfortunate for him that I have a book full of truth and a God who doesn't let me go.

"Thus says God, the LORD,

who created the heavens and stretched them out,

who spread out the earth and what comes from it,

who gives breath to the people on it and spirit to those who walk in it:

'I am the LORD; I have called you in righteousness;

I will take you by the hand and keep you;

I will give you as a covenant for the people, 

a light for the nations,

to open the eyes that are blind,

to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon,

from the prison those who sit in darkness.

I am the LORD; that is my name;

my glory I give to no other, nor my praise to carved idols." - Is. 42:5-8

He created and sustains and saves to bring FREEDOM to those (me) who were once captives, USED TO BE hopeless and incapable of any good. HE does that. And He sends us to take part in the greatest purpose of all time, to tell other captives of the hope and freedom we've found, that they might glorify the LORD and be free. We're just surrounded by glory and freedom. No defeat here :)

And so that too is my Christmas wish...a little cheesy, yes, but true nontheless. To know Him deeper and walk in great faith and life-changing belief. Because when I really see truth, its the desire of my heart as well.

Help my unbelief

Well, I'm officially done with school for this semester - THANK THE LORD! haha, it's been a LONG one. Looking back, I feel like I'm slowly beginning to see a pattern of my life and beliefs...through heartache, hard times, stressful days, and even the easy days. I've complained a lot...wallowed in some self-pity a lot...and allowed outward circumstances to dictate my worship. By that I mean that rather than worshipping the Lord God I believe created me and sustains me, I've been worshipping things like comfort and even myself. When times have been hard, I've wanted easy above all things, and been bitter when easy hasn't come. I see how much this has dictated my life.
In the past week or so, I feel like the Lord has been opening my eyes to so much of my own sin in this - It's like, as I've cried out to Him, angry and hurt, He's said "Look Becky, I have remained faithful through it all...you aren't believing the truth about me." And He has shown me.

"Therefore since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly...but God show his loves love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Since, therefore, we have now been justified by His blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by His life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now recieved reconcilliation." - Romans 5:1-11

As elementary as it is...I think that I've forgotten and haven't truly believed that God LOVES me. I swung so far the other way, to God has a huge purpose for me, and I must fulfill it or I'm a failure. And of course, I've "failed," which has left me empty, sad, and bitter...with no motivation. But thats because I've missed the best part! God LOVES me! Like this passage says, He sent His Son to die for me, while I was His enemy, because He loved me that much...because He still loves me. He made a way for me to become His daughter. There is no greater love. The only reason I can love Him, is because He first loved me. If I miss this, the true purpose is gone. John Piper said "God is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in Him." What a beautiful and awesome statement!!! So often I fall into believing that I  must choose one or the other...to glorify God or to be satisfied. But the truth is that they come hand-in-hand...because He LOVES us. His purpose for us is not only His and about Him, but the greatest, most satisfying and joyful thing for US. This is the TRUTH, that upon believing, gives us more of Jesus and His purpose than any amount of working hard or being good could ever do. It wasn't meant to be earned...it was given. It is the heart-level motivation behind every action of worship, the driving force behind persevering and enduring, and the attitude that floods joy and peace into every circumstance, rendering the world powerless. This is the GOSPEL.

"Repent, and believe the Gospel." - Jesus Christ, Mark 1:15